The point of this post is to go back to when we gave it all up. I am not so concerned about the events but more or less the overall feeling I had at that time. I never want to forget that because it pairs with a handful of other experiences that I think greatly shaped me.
I remember going to sleep on a borrowed, broken air mattress. One of the seems had popped so half of the queen sized mattress was a thick lump. Di and I were crashing for the night in an empty living room after a long day of packing and getting rid of stuff. Our bodies were tired but our minds were abuzz as we were about to embark on an uncertain journey. I remember looking around the vacant apartment and being somewhat awestruck at its emptiness and how different my life was the last time I had seen it empty.
The orange lamps spilling into the room lighting shadows and only adding to the sense of quietness. Only this time I was not alone. I was with my new wife. And I am not sure if that made it better or worse.
Now we had some good times out on the road but mostly I felt responsible for another person. My decisions were not just affecting me anymore and that is a heavy burden to bear.
I remember the sense of desperation and a tinge of hopelessness as I spent each day at a coffee shop looking and applying for jobs anywhere in the state of California. I remember driving the streets from time to time and walking to Burger King or some such other place. All the while I wondered what I was going to do and how things would play out.
But that's not really what I want to remember. It is important for me to be mindful of hopelessness and depression that started to eek its way into me during our time out there, but where we have gotten to is a much better story.
When we came back we lived with my sister in her house and in her camper. Nothing is a more humbling experience than to have to live inside the home of a sibling who has a home, dogs, husband. Makes you feel like a failure especially since, at the time, I had a part time job stocking shelves.
Now I am doing well in my job, interviewing for a specialist position, and I have a showing after work in the bottom unit of the duplex.
While I spent some time in California being responsible for my wife, my life got considerably better when I started viewing her as a partner.
Two years ago we gave up everything but a handful of clothes and roughly 3000 in our bank accounts. Pair that with 50k or so in debt and things were dire. Since then we both have stable jobs, are making names for ourselves in those jobs, and we started a company and own a property.
Di and i had been kicking around the idea of buying a house and one day I came home and said, let's not buy a home. Let's spend a little less and buy a duplex and get something in place for cashflow. It was surprising how easily she was on board and we made it happen. WE.
Apologies for the "stream of consciousness" nature of this post but it was really more for me to remember just some of the details and lessons. None more important than this one:
Two years ago we were just moving out of a camper that my sister owned. Today we own a business, a property, and have a dog. If together we can accomplish all that in 2 years, imagine what we can do in 20 or even 40.
Cheers!
-Mitch