As much as I am enamored by the tiny little face, perfect fingers and toes and the adorable button nose, what I really want to write about and remember is the man that stayed beside me through this whole experience. Mitch drove me to the hospital...not a crazy drive like the movies would have you believe. It did feel like we hit more red lights than green though. When we got to Regions Hospital, we parked and walked to Labor and Delivery. I didn't need valet parking or a wheelchair...yet.
After going through triage, I was admitted that night. Labor progressed very quickly. I decided that the exercise ball sounded like a good idea since the pain was now getting to be a bit more than what I could handle. Well, not even a minute of just sitting on that and moving, my water broke. Mitch was right there and we both just looked at it and thought now what? Well, now the contractions definitely got stronger and it became way harder to handle. Mitch thought I should get the epidural and this time, I agreed. I had been saying nah all this time, but I just couldn't take it anymore. After the needle was in...thankfully, I didn't have to see it, but Mitch did, I was told to lay down on the bed. Mitch thought it was funny that I questioned two doctors about laying on this needle in my back. Really though, should I? :)
It didn't take me long to be ready to push once the water had broken. The nurse and doctors were surprised that it was going so quickly since I was a first time mom. Pushing sure is labor. The epidural was working so well that it made the pushing harder since I couldn't quite tell when the contractions were happening sometimes. The nurse was there on one side and Mitch was there on the other, helping me. My legs were just dead weight to me at this point. I did my best and they let me continue pushing for a while, but Alera was stuck and refused to budge. The doctor came in to ask about going with a csection. I don't know why I still held on to the thought of a normal delivery, even after my OB had already told me that a csection might be what I would have to go with during my earlier prenatal visits. Mitch said yes to a csection pretty much right away because we had talked about it already and decided that we would go with it if that was our best option to get baby out without complications to her. So, csection it was. I was so nervous and I am surprised I didn't hyperventilate.
This whole time, Mitch was right beside me...through the pains, water breaking, involuntary gas episodes and pretty much everything that is gross about this whole deal. Now, He was asked to go get dressed in scrubs while they prepped me for surgery. I wasn't sure I could handle not having his hand to hold. I was wheeled to the OR....the freezing OR. I was shaking - from the cooler temp, the idea of being cut open or combination of the two, I couldn't tell. They switched the epidural I had been getting to something stronger for the surgery. It felt like cold water being pumped into my veins. I don't know how long I was there, waiting for Mitch to show up, but when he did sit/stand by my head, I felt just a tad bit better, about being cut open.
It didn't take long for them to get baby out. I heard Alera wail, which I hoped was a good sign. Mitch left my side again to be with her. First thing I hear him say to me across the room is, 'Di, she's so white!'. Silly boy. It took much longer for them to sew me back up. I was still so dazed when Mitch brought Alera over to me. I couldn't touch her because I was still being worked on and my arms were strapped to the operating table. Once I was moved to recovery right off of the OR, Mitch was there and I immediately felt loads better. He had baby with, so we had some time to hang out before being moved upstairs to our recovery room.
Since I was still under some effects of the numbing meds, I was told not to get up from bed. Mitch ordered the food for me, took care of baby when needed and slept on a rather uncomfortable recliner next to me. Once I could take a few steps and the catheter was off, Mitch always walked me to the bathroom and helped me while I could barely do anything for myself. He was also there to give me a shower even though he could have easily let a nurse do it. All kinds of gross things happening while my body recoups and this man, my husband, was right there with me. This may perhaps be the most vulnerable I have been so far, and it frustrated me that I had to let Mitch see me like that. Then again, I'd rather have him with me than a nurse any day.
Throughout this whole ordeal, I heard the phrases like 'dad doesn't matter', 'dad, come here and get this so mom doesn't have to', etc. Basically, no one bothered to ask dad if he needed anything except for one nurse. These people need to just shut up. Dad mattered...it mattered to me that someone actually acknowledge everything he is going through and how integral a role he played in my recovery. Did no one see how he was always there for baby when I couldn't be? Did any of the nurses other than the one, bother to ask if he would like a pillow or blanket while he slept very uncomfortably beside me and the baby? Yes, baby is here and the mother is recovering from a surgery, but I hated that pretty much everyone forgot the third person that was and is my rock. I couldn't have done this without him. His while world changed too, but no one seemed to notice...except me.
This post is for you Mitchell Heid. When you now ask me if I know that you love me, my answer will always be yes. When there are days that I get mad at you for something stupid, I want to come back to this and remember the man who became a dad overnight and was there for our little girl when I couldn't. This is for me to never forget the man who stood by my side and did everything to take care of me. Mitchell, I love you so very much. I wish I could do more to take your worries away. You are my rock. I know that as long as I have you by me, we can conquer anything.
I love you.
~Di